I didn't get mugged today, but I easily could have. Fortunately I'd been web surfing the other day and found
This.and more importantly
This. Go read both then come back. I'll be here.
Kim had paid me $20 to help her with the laundry, she needed 4 comforters washed and the best place she knew to go was on NW 23 street in OKC. I'm there 10 minutes when a couple of black guys come in and my alarms gradually start going off.
Now it's not just that they're black, another black guy's there doing his laundry, no biggie, a Vietnamese guy's there doing his laundry, ho hum. 3 Latinas including the attendant obviously filling out the budget doing other folk's laundry.
Then there's these two assholes. Skinny one in a backpack, bigger guy with him, both look like punks, the skinny one more obvious. Between them they've got about half of what I'd call a load of laundry.
Skinny approaches and attempts to mooch a cigarette.
"No"
Doesn't matter that I don't smoke anyway, if I'd had a carton of pall malls he'd still have gotten a monosyllable. He's also standing too close, I wonder if he's going to try to pinch the change purse in my left hand, good luck, even if he'd tried, there's about $1 left after feeding the triple loader washers. he goes back to his friend.
And the dance begins.
I can tell I've been marked now, they're obviously sizing me up for an ambush, and my adrenaline begins to go off. What first? At first I sit in a chair with my back against the outside wall, in a minute it occurs to me that I can easily be prevented from getting back up or surrounded this way, so I stand back up and try to think of optimal locations, I have to keep them both in sight, and NEVER let them behind or beside me.
Eventually it occurs to me that I ought to at least tell the attendant, a Latina, what's up. I go to where she's loading a washer near me and tell her that the 2 guys over there are looking for trouble, and seem to be looking to give it to me. She looks at the guys, thanks me for saying so and goes to her desk, I'll later find out that she and apparently several others have called 911.
The Curmudgeon calls and I almost can't tell what he's saying I'm so distracted by the threat, I tell him I think I'm being set up and I'll call back later.
I opt to go outside, so I can watch the laundry and the thugs, and call 'mudge back and see what he wanted. Talking about the esoterica of barrel break in techniques for a few minutes gives me a break from the stress, but only a tiny one, I'm watching these guys pretty closely now, and it's a good thing, because as time unfurls I catch them 3-4 times trying to get behind me. They're trying to be subtle, probably hit me from behind rifle my pockets and run, they don't want a showdown they want a victim.
I call Kim, again from outside, and tell her I'm being stalked, and when I finish here I'm never coming back. Looking down at the phone I notice I've typed in 911, do I hit send? Am I wasting police time? Technically,
legally, they haven't done anything. Fuck it, I hit send and tell the operator the address ( I had to go outside and look over the door) and the situation as I see it. My voice actually breaks I'm so stressed. Operator tells me he's had other reports and that a unit is on the way. Turns out to be 25-30 minutes away, but I don't know that yet and feel slightly better.
Back inside I'm quartering and trying to keep them in view and at a distance. It's not too hard since they're being semi-subtle. I later decide they were looking for a victim not a confrontation. Sure as hell though, as I move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, I turn, stand, and there's skinny, coming up behind me. sees me seeing him and wanders back off to his buddy. In my mind I'm trying to figure out at what point I'm justified in bringing the pistol to bear. Over the course of this hour long hell I'll have my hand on my knife for most of it, I'll have it actually
palmed in my hand for 5-10 minutes. Simple sleight of hand is amazingly useful sometimes. In the past I've gone into dark parking lots holding the same knife as though it's a fob attached to my keys, very reassuring. At times I'll have my thumb up under my shirt and touching the slide of my pistol, which I hope will reduce draw time if needed.
At one point as the drying procedure starts, skinny begins to talk to his friend in tones that are meant to be overheard about his mad kung fu skillz. It's chess you see, not checkers. Shows off said mad skillz. Also does some pushups with his backpack on. Nice warmup for the hit. Assuming he's not feigning incompetence, he's crap. Unfortunately a pair of 20 somethings don't really have to be good to mess up a 40 something who's been injured twice, it just takes teamwork.I have 2 things they don't know about. 1, a knife and the knowledge of how to use it. 2 a pistol I am competent with. I also know what they're up to.
Eventually, after hitting the dryer up for the third fifteen minute extension ( The thugs do the same. Jeans need 45 minutes to dry? Suuuure) Skinny leaves, I watch out the window and when I see he's going far enough away that he's not coming back soon, I pull my rap out, put it in a cart, and wheel out past #2 keeping the cart between us. I'm clear. I load. I leave. Calling back 911 dispatch to cancel my call they tell me security arrived and sent them packing. When was that? maybe the truck with the yellow lights I saw coming off the highway as I left? An hour and 15 minutes or so of adrenaline filled hell.
Post Incident Q&AQ: Why did you think you were being set up?
A: because this was creepily
nearly identical to the way I
was mugged 20 odd years ago. I was loading a pop machine in a laudramat and saw 2 black guys come in. Something didn't seem right, but I ignored them, I got robbed. I was trained and armed, but unaware.
Q: Is an armed man justified in feeling endangered by 2 (apparently) unarmed men?
A:If you are unaware, you are unarmed. If they get behind you, you are unarmed. Yes you are justified. If they get you, and thus your weapon, you have been disarmed, and likely beaten or killed, and thus you have now armed a dangerous thug.
Q:Are 2 men such a great threat?
A: 2 opponents aren't twice as dangerous, they're 4 times as dangerous. Imagine one pinning your arms while his buddy kicks you in the head until you're unconscious. and that's just the
unarmed variation.
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.
Taken a cell phone snap of them and sent it to my freinds.
Gotten the tag of their car.
Situational post mortemA conditional victory for me. I failed to get mugged and walked out under my own power, Made conditional by the knowledge that they're still endangering others. They have only to find unaware prey.